


Healing takes time

by CrocodileTearz



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Zuko would call the zuko in this fanfic a little bitch, Crying, Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Out of Character, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Sokka and toph aren’t really major characters in this, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko Needs a Hug, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), dadkoda, hakoda is a GROWN MAN. I’d rather die than ship him with anyone in the Gaang, like honestly lol, no romantic relationships, parental hakoda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26831308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrocodileTearz/pseuds/CrocodileTearz
Summary: Dadkoda content :) but it’s also zuko angst :((zuko talks about past abuse with hakoda)(also disclaimer, this was something I wasn’t planning on publishing, so a lot of the punctuation might be wrong... just pretend I can write lmaoo)
Relationships: Hakoda & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 351





	1. Chapter 1

Zuko pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin against them. The cold floor of the western air temple made the hair on his arms rise. Being gone from his nation for the second time and being without his uncle made him restless.

Adjusting to new things was his least favorite thing. He missed his uncle. He felt so safe and secure whenever his uncle was around. Now, he has felt nothing but anxiety and fear. Zuko had never felt the type of fear he felt around hakoda. The only time he had ever feared someone so much was when he was younger, but that person he had feared so much was his own father. Hakoda wasn’t his father, so why was he scared? 

Maybe it wasn't fear. Maybe it was all hatred. Self Hatred that boiled inside him, just like when he was at the beach with Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai. He felt like he was reverting to his old ways. Not knowing the difference between right and wrong. He hated how he feared this man. He was never this way with uncle, so why was he this way with Hakoda? 

He hated the way Hakoda wouldn’t yell and scream at Sokka and Katara for making minor mistakes. He hated how Hakoda was always laughing. He hated how Hakoda was so nice to everyone. He hated how Hakoda was always offering to help. He hated how Hakoda would always grin at his kids. He hated how Hakoda was never hitting or hurting his own children. 

He hated the way Hakoda was everything he had wished his own father was. He hated the way he was so angry at himself and himself only. There was no way he could be mad at Hakoda. 

The heartbreaking truth was that Ozai was not the father Zuko imagined him to be. 

Truth be told, Zuko still hasn’t accepted this fact. 

Zuko was always so attached to his mother, but he always just assumed that was because that’s how you were supposed to be with mothers. Never once has he felt the warm feeling of a hug from his own father. Because of that, he was so attached to his mom’s hip, and Ozai hated that. 

He always thought Ursa was going to make Zuko thin skinned and soft. Being around his mom was the only time he ever felt truly safe. 

In his mind, Moms were good. They protect their babies, much like turtle ducks, but fathers are to be feared. They do what’s best for you. They do what they can to make you stronger. 

But Zuko never felt stronger. In fact, he felt weaker.

The sound of footsteps startled him. Another thing he found himself doing. He would always flinch and tense at either Aang going to give him a high five, or hakoda offering him the last bowl of stew. 

It was so weak. Zuko hated that. Weakness was always frowned upon in the royal family. He always felt so small and frail, especially with a father like Ozai.

Zuko slowly turned his head to glance at who it was. He couldn’t exactly see, but he could differentiate the sounds of the gaang’s footsteps, another thing he learned.

As the man got closer, Zuko could tell it was Hakoda. It felt like his stomach was in his throat. He put his forehead against his knees and squeezed his legs tighter to his chest.

“What’re you doing away from the campsite? Aren’t you cold out here?” Said Hakoda. He heard the rustling sounds of Hakoda sitting next to him. He flinched when he felt the warmth of a blanket wrap around his arms. 

He hated how hakoda was so quick to help.

Zuko slowly turned his head slightly towards Hakoda, “Firebenders don’t freeze very easily.” 

Hakoda let out a loud, hearty chuckle that made Zuko flinch and bury his face into his knees. Hakoda must’ve noticed the flinching habit Zuko has by now. You’d have to be blind to not notice.

“Hey, son,” Hakoda said. “What was the fire nation like, exactly?”

Zuko lifted his head and started to drum his fingers on his knees. Being called a son was such a foreign thing to him. 

“Well .. uh.. I mean it was home to me.. but it was almost like it wasn’t? In a way? I’m not sure. When I came back for the first time in three years, it was like I had gotten everything I wanted, but what I had to do in order to get back was so horrible.”

“You were gone for three years?”

Zuko visibly tensed. “Yeah.. yeah, I was banished.. from my home.” He was saying too much. 

Hakoda felt for this kid. Being at sea away from Sokka and Katara had caused him so much pain, and seeing as Zuko was much younger than him, being away from home for so long must’ve caused so much homesickness.

Hakoda scooted closer to Zuko and patted him on the back. Seeing Zuko flinch was so painful to see. Hakoda had always noticed these types of things, it was almost like a parental instinct. he was so quick to notice the way Zuko would tense or flinch away whenever he would lightly touch him. Hakoda made sure not to move so quickly when next to Zuko. Last time he did, Zuko had almost fallen off a log in surprise.. almost like he was waiting to be struck 

It didn’t even have to be Hakoda himself doing something. Zuko just seemed to be a very jumpy kid. He’d flinch when Katara would yell at him, or whenever Sokka made a snarky remark, he would even flinch when Sokka and Katara would talk back to Hakoda. It was almost as if he was watching and waiting for Hakoda’s reactions 

This kid was not much older than Sokka, Hakoda thought. He was banished from his home at such a young age, and the scar on his cheek seemed so old. Who banishes their own child from home? He must’ve done something extremely bad to get that kind of punishment. 

Nonsense. He was just a child. A young teen. There’s no way he did something so horrid.

Suddenly, it was like a wave of emotions. Hakoda wasn’t sure how he felt. It was like a surge of sadness, anger, and disgust. Hakoda felt sick to his stomach for not noticing sooner. The way Zuko hates loud noises and sudden movements, or the way he was so terrified for Hakoda’s children whenever they would make mistakes. 

“Did Ozai ever hit you?” 

Zuko looked up in front of him, refusing to look at Hakoda. Hakoda could see Zuko’s eyes squint and eyebrows furrow, as they glazed over with tears.

“He was a good man,” Zuko whispered. 

“That doesn’t answer my question. Has ozai ever hit you?”

Zuko quickly ducked his head in a way that screamed “Don’t hit me”. 

“He did it to protect me.” Zuko pushed the heels of his palms to his eyes and shook his head. “He wanted me to be stronger. His ways of teaching don’t make him any less of a father. He wanted nothing but the best for me. He was a great man...He wanted the best for me.” His voice broke on the last part.

Hakoda’s expression grew angrier. The fire nation’s people were horrible. They were cold blooded murderers, full of anger and violence. But Zuko? Zuko was just an innocent kid who got to experience that anger and violence from the fire lord himself. He was just a child who was inflicted by the savage ways of the fire nation. 

Hakoda didn’t want to imagine the pain Ozai might’ve inflicted on Zuko. He looked at his palm and then the side of Zuko’s face. It was almost hand print shaped. 

“No child deserves that kind of treatment. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had done anything to harm Katara and Sokka.” 

“Stop. You have no idea what you’re talking about. My father loved me, and he wanted the best for me. The things he did was him showing me that he cared. That he wanted me to be better. I’m lucky he even allowed me to live.”

“Fathers are supposed to protect their children, keep them safe and loved. No one should have to fear their own father as much as you do. You’re not even home and you’re terrified and alert of everything around you.”

Zuko’s eyes itched as the tears in his eyes threatened to spill. 

“You’re not weak for admitting that something is troubling you. Emotions are what makes us human. You have every right to be mad or upset. You have every right to cry. You're human.” 

Zuko clenched his teeth and the blanket Hakoda wrapped around him as hard as he could, trying so hard not to let out any sobs. He closed his eyes and rubbed his hands through his hair and face. He made some sort of guttural sound when holding in his loud sob. 

The second Zuko felt the soothing comfort of Hakoda rubbing his hand on his back, he let out a loud, painful sob. It sounded more like a whine, like years of pain and sorrow just came tumbling out of him. 

Zuko clenched his own shirt as he sat on his knees and rested his forehead on the cold cement. Spit drooled from his mouth and he clenched his eyes and teeth even tighter. 

All those painful memories of home after his mother left. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to call Ozai his father. 

Before, he wanted Ozai's approval so bad that it hurt, but now? Now, he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He wanted to see Mai again. He wanted to see his uncle. He missed the turtleduck pond. 

He missed his mother. 

Zuko didn’t remember grabbing on to Hakoda. He gripped the sleeve on one of Hakoda’s arms and looked him in the face. His eyes covered in tears and his eyebrows in an expression of pain. His chest ached as if some sort of fire was put out. His throat and chest ached, and it felt like he had just run a marathon in the cold. 

“P-please… please… b-belive me. My father.. my father tried.” He gripped onto Hakoda’s arm as if it was a lifeline. His voice sounded like it was going to collapse by the sounds of it breaking. “My fath-fa-father was a good man.”

Zuko had to stop to take in a deep breath after every word. It was like he was hyperventilating. he quickly wiped the snot away from his nose and the spit rolling down his chin.

Hakoda grabbed both of Zuko’s shoulders and held him close to his chest, arms wrapped around him as if it were a safe place. 

“You're okay, son. It’s alright. You’re safe.” 

Zuko practically crumbled in Hakoda’s arms. His hands clawing at Hakoda’s back as if he were searching for something. His sobs were less than sobs and more like high pitched whines and whimpers.

To see a child in such a state was so gut wrenching. He never wanted to let Zuko go. He didn’t want to let him down the same way his father did 

When Zuko had finished crying, all that Hakoda felt was the trembling of the teenager's body. 

Maybe he was lying about not being cold. 

Hakoda picked up the blanket and moved as slow as possible when getting up to take the now sleeping Zuko to his own tent. 

Healing takes time. Zuko just needed a little longer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decided to give y’all another half assed chapter because you all ate UP that last chapter. I don’t deserve the amount of love y’all gave this <\3 I appreciate it

When Zuko woke up, he could feel his eyes were slightly puffy from crying. He didn’t have the energy to get up and go eat breakfast with the rest of the Gaang, so he decidedly stayed in bed. 

He was curled up on his side. He clutched his hands around his stomach as he pulled his knees to his chin. 

Maybe they’ll forget about him. Maybe they’ll think he left them. If he’s lucky enough, he can sit in his sleeping bag until he dies of either thirst or hunger.

But if he’s unlucky enough, Toph will walk right into his tent and pester him to come enjoy breakfast with them. She was always so excited to have Zuko around, and it confused him greatly. 

“Hey Zuko?” He heard from outside his tent. He recognized the voice as Sokka’s, not Toph’s. She was probably going to be busy with training Aang.

Toph always had a soft spot for Zuko. It was kinda funny how a twelve year old always worried about a sixteen year old. She would often ask him for a “life changing” adventure, but there’s not much time for adventures anymore. He told her they could go on one once the war was over, but he knew he would have to become the firelord, which meant no time for games and fun. 

He knew he wasn’t prepared to be firelord. He wasn’t skilled enough. He didn’t even know the basics of being a firelord. Ozai had banished him before he could learn and he was pretty sure Azula would’ve been the new queen of the fire nation anyway. He was the weakest link in the family, how could he even imagine being firelord? He couldn’t even be a good firebending teacher for Aang. 

Instead of working to be stronger, he’s wallowing in his own self pity.

Pathetic. 

Maybe if he doesn’t make a noise, Sokka will assume he’s not awake yet. Maybe he’ll go back and tell everyone Zuko is gone. 

“Is it alright if you wake me up at lunch? My body has been sore from the firebending training yesterday,” He lied. 

He was worried the lie was too obvious, but then he heard the sounds of Sokka walking away. Zuko had never been a good liar. He was bad at it, just like many other things. 

Azula was a skillful liar. The lies rolled off her tongue like they were natural, like they were the truth. Zuko's lies were more jumbles of words. Sweat dripping down his face as he stuttered and dibbled over his words because it felt like his throat would close. Whenever he lied, he would start to babble. 

Father hated babbling. 

The last time he babbled, Ozai burned his finger tips. His hands hurt so bad that he couldn’t even feed the turtle ducks for two weeks. 

Suko craved that father son bond Sokka had with Hakoda. Zuko had always wanted a father like him. Iroh was great, but it never really counted. He was his uncle, not his father. Iroh wasn’t around much when Zuko was younger, anyway. 

Ozai and Iroh weren't even close to being the same people. Their personalities are so different that they don’t even seem related. 

Zuko could name a long list of differences, but for some reason there was one that really stuck out.

Iroh often said “I love you.”

It was such an odd thing to recognize, but Zuko had always wished his father would say those three simple words. Ozai never congratulated him, never praised his hard work, never forgave him, never didn’t any of it. But Iroh did.

Sometimes, he wonders if he deserved that type of love. The way Iroh was constantly forgiving him felt too good to be true. It was almost like Iroh was plotting to stab him in the back. 

He’s never had anyone other than his mother love him like that. She was always loving him unconditionally, and he thought that maybe that’s why she had left. Because learning to love Zuko through all his mistakes was such hard work.

His mom who protected him from his father, his mom who often favored him over his sister, she was the person who he didn’t stop calling “mommy” until he was forced to when she left. (Ozai said it made him sound weak and babyish) 

Zuko yearned for a simple “I love you.” from his father. Such a ridiculous request. When he was younger, he would have dreams of his father loving him the same way his mother did. He used to get them so often that he actually believed his father loved him like that. 

That is, until the Agni Kai. 

Sometime around lunch, he heard Hakoda say his name from outside the tent. He realized and uncurled from the tight ball he was in. Maybe if he stayed silent, Hakoda would leave too.

He turned to lay on his back and pretended to be asleep. His hand twitched as he heard his tent open and then close. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted by a small bowl full of white rice and a slightly bigger sized bowl filled with some type of vegetable stew.

………………………..

After some time, Zuko left his tent when he realized most everyone was asleep and in their tents.

He sat on one of the many logs they had set up around the campfire.

He sat with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together. He always did thinking on nights like these, just like how he was doing yesterday (until he was interrupted by Hakoda.)

After a lot of thinking, he walked up to Hakoda’s tent. He didn’t know if he should walk in or not. 

What if Hakoda is asleep and he wakes him up? What happens if he’s not interested in seeing Zuko ?? What happens if his fath- hakoda ISN'T glad to see him? What would the consequences be? 

He stood there fiddling with his hands until he saw the tent open. He jumped back and held his hands up 

“did I wake you?! I didn’t mean to, I just came to talk about last night. I can leave if you want,” he whisper yelled. He stood there, clasping his hands behind his back.

Hakoda looked at him with a shocked face, trying to process what he was saying. He let out a smile and relaxed his shoulders. “No, no. It’s alright. I was hoping you would come by. You can come in if you’d like.”

Zuko stared with his lips slightly parted until he shut his mouth and slowly entered the tent. “Would you like..” he pointed to the unlit lantern. 

“Oh, that would be lovely.”

Zuko slowlly held his index finger and his middle finger towards the lantern and lit the lantern.

“So you wanted to talk about last night?”

“Yeah, I-I just wanted to fill you in, you know? I think I left out a lot of important details. I think you deserve to know the truth.” He twiddled his thumbs. 

“If you’re ready to open up about it, go ahead.”

Hakoda always had this huge, sweet smile when speaking to Zuko. It was kinda like a reminder   
that Hakoda was safe. Safer than Ozai, atleast. 

“I think I mentioned the banishment thing?”

Hakoda let out a hum in agreement.

“I was banished for a reason. I had disrespected my father in his war room. It was such a foolish thing.”

“What exactly did you do to disrespect him?” 

Zuko noticed that everytime he spoke to Hakoda, he always had this look of ‘I’m paying attention, please don’t think I’m tired of you’ Look. 

“I was young, and wanted to go to my first war meeting. My uncle had let me be apart of it, as long as I didn’t talk. It was going great, until ...Well, my dad wanted to sacrifice this division, an-and they were so young. So- so inexperienced. He wanted to sacrifice them just so he could bring in a stronger division and catch the enemies by suprise. He wanted to kill off a whole division, but I couldn’t let him. I refused to let him.”

“I think you a great thing.”

Zuko scowled and crossed his arms “yeah? And look where it got me. I’m nothing but a washed up prince.”

Hakoda looked away from Zuko. “Well, what do you think?”

“What?”

“How would you feel if you had just ignored it? What would you be doing right now if you had stayed silent?”

Zuko’s breath caught in his throat. He had never thought of it that way. The amount of guilt he would’ve felt if he hadn’t spoken up would’ve been gut wrenching.

“I’d live with this feeling in my gut. Like a giant black hole, telling me I’m incapeable of even protecting my people,” he said.

Hakoda was now looking at him. 

“See? Maybe it wasn’t all for nothing.”

Zuko looked at his hands. Yeah, but it feels like a wasted attempt. He’s not even sure if that division is safe.

“You’re still upset about it, arent you?” 

Zuko looked up at hakoda and his bottom lip quivered. His eyebrows made this saddened shape.

“Oh Zuko,” whispered Hakoda. 

Zuko felt Hakoda’s arm wrap around his shoulders and for the first time, he didn’t flinch. He felt himself slowly making his way into a hug, hesitating as if Hakoda wasn’t going to allow it. 

“You know, if I were your age and in that situation, I would be absolutely horrified. I wouldn’t even know what to do. You did a great thing that day, son.”

Zuko burrows his face farther into Hakoda’s chest and squeezed tighter. 

“But why does it hurt so bad? I feel so useless, even when I was able to speak up. I feel so lost.. so- so infutile.”

“We all feel that way sometimes. I was like that when my wife died. When tragic things like that happen, our brains always try to find someone to blame when there's no one else. Most times, we find ourselves in situations where we hold ourselves accountable. Zuko, I promise you.. you did what you could. You did what you could as a 13 year old.”

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I - it- you’re..”

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re alright.”

Zuko's cries turned into quiet tears as he gripped onto Hakoda with wide, dull eyes.

Slowly but surely, he was healing.


End file.
